I’m in LA now for a few days of PTO (I’m gainfully employed - independent ladies put your hands up). The weather has literally been 72 degrees and sunny every day I’ve been here. It’s disgustingly amazing. I went for a long run yesterday and I didn’t even want to take an ice bath afterwards. Weird. My sister’s at her comedy class now, figuring out how to incorporate ghetto dance moves into her routine, so I figured I’d use this time to reflect. Also sorrryyy about slacking on the whole December post. I was a pediatrician working 80-125 hours a week (why would I joke about this??), and I did nothing but work and sleep. And drink my cares away… I can see why doctors have addiction problems.
I just finished being a psychiatrist for a few weeks, which was really great. Please allow me to introduce you to my friend “Brian.” Now Brian is a 450 pound man who was in the hospital for about 30 days, and on the day before discharge, they learned he had another personality. So Dr. D rolls in to see our new buddy. The med students see them before we do, and I found my med student looking like he had just seen a ghost. Apparently he got a good show from Brian. I go in and introduce myself. No, I’m not a nurse. I’m a doctor. Dammit! No one believes me! We get to talking, and I ask him about his alter ego.
“Oh, Patty?” he says.
“Hm surree, let’s hear about Patty.”
“Well would you like to meet her?”
Oh absolutely I did.
So he sits back in his chair, closes his eyes for a few seconds and wakes up.
“Hello. Who are you?”
“Hi, I’m Dr. Davis. Who are you?”
“Oh I’m Patty.” Please keep picturing the 450 pound man that I’m talking to.
“Hi, Patty. What sort of things do you like to do?”
Sigh. “Be sexy.”
“Ok, anything else?”
“I like to dress up in sexy thongs and high heels and have sex with men. I like to be sexy and sexual.”
Why would I joke about this? He also told the med student that Patty likes to beat up people like him for fun. Hence the ghost face I saw. So anyways, we’re chatting and it sounds like Patty is getting weaker as Brian is getting stronger physically. I encourage this, because I know that multiple personality disorder cannot be controlled like this. You can’t just close your eyes and become someone else consciously, and know about the other ego like it’s a close friend. I think Brian just needed someone to talk to, and I was all ears.
I miss Brian. He was one of those people that helped remind me why I went into medicine. Sometimes I think it’s just a career I picked because I’m masochistic, but then I get patients like him or “John” who thank me for actually helping them. John was a kid with an abscess (an infection on his arm) that we were giving antibiotics, but it wasn’t really doing anything. Then I went in there and mashed on his arm and got so much pus out (I love getting pus out- it’s really satisfying.) that I told him he needed it cut open & drained. His mom later told me I was the only one who touched it, and if it wasn’t for me he wouldn’t have had surgery. Then she gave me a hug. I smiled all day.
Oh shoot I told myself this blog wouldn’t be about work. Ok let’s talk about my love life. I’m dating. Maybe that’s all I’ll say actually. I realized my sister & I have different philosophies about dating. Like she told a boy once who didn’t have air conditioning, “Next time get a real car.” She claims she was joking, but we all know there was some truth in it. She also introduced me to the book Why Men Love Bitches, which basically says men love to feel like men, and that means letting them chase the lady. But you can’t be totally passive or too easy to get or else they’ll lose interest. The idea is slightly archaic, but it’s pretty much true. Nothing worth having comes easy. We’re all animals, and at the end of the day, we only want those who we find the most worthy to mount us. I’ve been watching too much PBS and Discovery Channel.
And on that note, I’m out to enjoy this California weather. Deuces.
