Showing posts with label dumbass. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dumbass. Show all posts

Friday, July 09, 2010

People are strange


Meet Leslie, Austin's greatest homeless dude/gubernatorial candidate.

First thing's first: Max update. I really missed him, so I went ahead and just texted him the other day. Bad idea? Probably, but I was going through severe MTD withdrawals.

Me 6/12: Hey (I thought that was appropriate.)
Max 6/12: Hey
Max 6/12: Whats good tania
Max 6/12: So ure going out with jr thats cool
Max 6/13: Hey
Max 6/21: Hey
Max 6/25: Hey
Me 6/25: I'm sorry, I accidentally texted you the other day. This really is not tania. You have the wrong number.
Max 6/25: Ok

That's it? He just gave up like that? I was expecting a little bit of a fight. Now let's break this jr thing down. Am I going out with J.R. or Jr., like William Randolph Jones, Jr.? Or it could be Jr. as in the little brother of a scary gang homey. I'm going with the latter. Either way, I'm proud of Tania for getting herself a real man, and moving on from Max. He was so yesterday.

In other news, all I have been doing is working. I go in around 6am, run around the hospital talking to my patients about their visual hallucinations (3 large people coming to get him), or their bowel movements (still dark and loose, but a little lighter than yesterday), or their alcohol withdrawal (can I have some more of that Ativan?). My first night on call, I have a nice homeless gentleman who comes in with the "chief complaint" (what brings them into the hospital) of "Found down in the creek." Seems he was hanging out by Shoal Creek, just doing a little bit of boozing, as per the usual, then it gets a little fuzzy in his memory, but he remembers some jerks pulling him out of the water since it looked like he was drowning. We chit chat for awhile longer, all the while I'm thinking about how I would really like to prescribe some mouthwash for him, when he starts coughing.

"How long have you had that cough?"
"Oh, since the '90s."
"Uh... have you ever coughed up blood?"
"Oh yeah, when I had TB I did."

I asked him a few more questions, and decide even though he says he's been treated, he's probably not the most reliable historian. I get up, tell the nurse, get my gown and masks on, and watch as the nurse puts "Airborne precautions" on the door, and some maintenence guy airseals the room. I think he really was telling the truth about getting treated after we kept him to make sure he didn't go into DTs on us, but I wasn't too trusting of him when we first met.

Another little lady came in with a fever, and we couldn't find out why she was having it. We drew blood, took cultures of urine, checked her Xrays, the whole shebang, but she still was fevering. Then a few days into her stay, she complains of some foot pain. We figure, ok, we'll Tylenol her up, no problem. Then the nurse says, "Be sure to look at her feet." We pull back the covers and WOW. Both of her big toes had nails about 8 inches long, growing out and back INTO her foot. I have to figure out how to scan a picture of this, because it's really awesome. They were all twisty and dark and just went right into her middle toe, making a sweet little black wound. At least our mystery was solved.

So this is the fun of working at the county hospital. There are a lot of drunks, and a lot of people who don't bathe themselves, but it's a good learning experience... I think. Call is pretty miserable, but at least I sleep some of the 24-30 hours I'm here. I've been saying "oh balls" a lot on this rotation, like when the nurse hammer pages me for a low potassium level. Somehow it makes me feel better. And I have thrown a few temper tantrums in the hallways when I'm tired and decaffeinated. I stomp my feet and pout and whine "I don't wanna!" which entertains me and sometimes the med student. He's pretty funny too. I break out in my Spanish to the patients and when we leave he goes, "Oh si. Arroz con pollo," because that's the extent of his Spanish. Well, it's time to take a nap in our sweet call room before I head down to the ER in a few hours. Isn't life grand?

Monday, June 07, 2010

Max the Dumbass


Somehow some ghetto guy got ahold of my number, and I'm thinking he got in when a girl at a bar decided to give him a fake number, which just happened to be mine. I'd like to present you with the texting fun that I have had with this gentleman, stored in my phone as first name Max, last name The Dumbass. The spelling is Max's original work, unadulterated.

MTD 5/6: Hey
MTD 5/7: Hey
MTD 5/7: Hey is max
MTD 5/8: Hey
MTD 5/11: Hey
Me 5/13: I do not know you, max
MTD 5/13: Ok what school u go to
Me 5/13: Goodbye max.
MTD 5/13: Ok
MTD 5/18: Hey

Just... so many things wrong with this fellow. It seems he got the hint that I didn't know him, yet he keeps coming back for more. Then from another phone number, I get:
MTD 5/28: Heyy' It's Max
Me 5/28: Hey Max, it's still the wrong #

Meanwhile I have been answering phone calls from random numbers that are clearly him, but he just doesn't say anything when I answer. The first time he called he said, Hey, is Tania there? And I said, nope, you have the wrong number. So he's heard my voice, and he knows I'm not Tania. Yet this was not the end of Max.

From ANOTHER number:
MTD 5/28: Hey
MTD 5/28: Hey tania
MTD 5/28: Hey ms max [editor's note: I believe this is, "Hey It's Max"]
Me 5/28: Hey Max, still the wrong # no matter what phone you call from.
MTD 5/28: My brothers
MTD 5/28: U aint going to tx back {I debated writing, "No Max, I ain't going to tx back," but I just went with the silent treatment instead.]
MTD 5/31 [three days later]: Whats good
Me 5/31: Buddy this is not tania. You have the wrong number. Please stop texting and calling.
MTD 6/3: Hey then why u gave me ure phone number if u dirint whant me tx [Um. Wow.]
So then I decide I might as well have fun with him on this one...
Me 6/3: She must've given you a fake #. You got played.
MTD 6/3: No cuz last time i called and it whas u
MTD 6/3: No cuz last time i called and it whas u
I couldn't respond. I just couldn't.

And in between texting me via 3 phones, he managed to fit in another number. It's an unknown number, but based on prior history, I think it's safe to say it's our dear friend Max.
MTD 6/2: Hey

I'm debating just continuing this textual relationship, because it really brings me and my mom so much joy when I read them to her. She also makes me show all her friends these texts, and I do it, because, hey, I'm trapped in the house anyways.