bittersweet

On Thursday, January 14, I found out I am going to be an ophthalmologist. (That's an eye doctor.) This has been my dream job for so long, and I have kept saying that I would be happy just to match into the competitive field. That being said, I have been visiting so many different programs all over the country, and I had psyched myself up into moving and starting fresh. Most of the programs I visited said they would love to have me as a resident there, but I'm wondering just how much truth was in that.

I was hoping for Chicago, even though I knew that was a long shot. So I started getting excited about living in Boston with one of my best friends from college, or Florida, where the program was really impressive. Further on down the line, I put San Antonio, assuming I wouldn't have to think about staying put. Let me just make a sidenote to mention all the places I visited:

Chicago - UIC and Cook County (on 2 separate trips)
Little Rock, AR
Nashville
Boston
Chapel Hill, NC
Gainesville, FL
LA
Reading, PA
NYC
San Antonio
Austin (tomorrow)

Wednesday night I was out having delightful herby, fruity cocktails with my bestest friend in NY, who was trying, very successfully, to distract me from Thursday's results. When she left for the restroom, I checked my email and found one that said:

Congratulations! You have matched in this years Ophthalmology Residency Match. You will receive official notification from the SFMatch tomorrow via email beginning at noon. The program director or representative should be in contact with you beginning tomorrow, or you may contact your Medical School Deans office.

I started getting so excited and wondered just who loved me so much.

Thursday morning I got a call from a San Antonio number, which freaked me out until my dean introduced herself.
"Are you able to talk?"
"Yes!"
"Do you know your results?"
"No..."
"Well, you matched into ophthalmology!"
"YesIknowIgottheemailbutIjustdontknowwhereyet."
"Well, are you ready?"
"YES JUST TELL ME WHERE! [Sorry, Dr.Clare]"
"Well, you matched here, at San Antonio!" At first I thought I misheard her, but then I realized nothing really rhymes with 'here, San Antonio.'
"Oh."
"Well, are you happy?"
I think I said something to the effect that I wasn't expecting it, but yes I was happy. Then I quickly got off the phone and started bawling. I think it was just the fact that I had such high expectations to move. And that I would have to stay in San Antonio, which is just not my kind of city. Then I started thinking about how I'd be single or casually dating for the rest of my life, and have to get 5 dogs and then a dogsitter since I'd never be home, and how my mom would never have grandkids. Or she'd have accidental grandkids out of wedlock. This is what went through my ridiculous head.

Three days later, and several extremely dramatic crying sessions in the Chicago Midway airport bathroom (ironic layover) later, I can definitely say I'm happy. I get to be among an elite group who operates on peoples' eyes. I've worked my ass off, and this is a fabulous reward. It's not the ideal city, but I get to keep my house, which I will continue to redecorate, I get to keep my beagle, and maybe even get another doglet. I don't have to move, and I'll save money by living in this very inexpensive humongous-for-what-I-need home. I'm going to work with one of my ophtho friends, and will probably have other friends stay here too. I get to be in an program that I know well enough to call excellent, and I get to be trained in LASIK surgery, which is rare for residencies.

I may never know where I placed on the other programs' lists, and it's possible that San Antonio placed me high on their list, thus canceling out the other programs. But I do know that the program that knows me the best wants me, and saw how hard I am willing to work. I'm no med student superstar, but I managed to edge my way into a competitive residency. I'm really excited to start fresh, even if I am staying in the same spot. Start growing those cataracts so I can pop those puppies out!

unemployed and loving it

today i realized my ultimate job would be to work 1, maybe 2 days a week. i'm wondering how to make this happen long term.

today i woke up accidentally early, got myself some coffee, and finished watching slumdog millionaire. then i turned on nbc to watch for the commercial for SINUS BUSTERS, which my sister is starring in. note this is not her debut (please see "the mike and juliet show", mayonnaise phobia episode). so i've been muting the tv programs and only watching commercials. it's like DVR in reverse. except it's ok because some of the commercials are less annoying that kelly ripa tart, so it works out. my big outing today was to CVS to get milk, and i noticed my fridge looks like a bachelor's fridge. it has water, rum, diet pepsi and some old cheese. pretty sure it's been a month since i went to the actual grocery store.

i've been listening to the joni mitchell album "blue," specifically "river," which is so good but also makes me a bad kind of nostalgic. it also makes me realize that being alone with your thoughts is sometimes a very dangerous thing. thank god i have the today show and "oh no she didn't...2009" to distract me.

the beauty of chicago

chicago is my new favorite city. a main reason is because i remember it by the food i ate.

day 1. portillo's hot dog with everything: mustard, relish, freshly chopped onions, sliced red ripe tomatoes, kosher pickle and sport peppers piled onto a perfectly steamed poppy seed bun. ok i copied from their menu, but it was seriously perfectly steamed.

for dinner, rockit burger: apparently good morning america's favorite burger, so i kind of figured it would be trendy with the ingredients, but not amazing. turns out it was pretty good. brie and some truffle oil, greasy but good. turns out it's even better cold in the next few days when hungover.

day 2. deep dish pizza from lou malnati's. accidentally got the vegetarian and immediately regretted i passed up the sausage. still really good, like chicken pot pie comfort food.

quartino's. veal meatballs and veal meatball sliders, pizzas, a pasta with fresh peas which i'm really into these days, carafes of wine, smart and funny people around the table. delightful.

day 3. zamboni crepes at yolk. my friend and i were talking about the word "savory," because she had never heard it before. and i kept trying to explain it as the opposite of sweet, like sweet or savory crepes, but i realized it's kind of difficult to explain. it's just delicious. according to dictionary.com (my primary source for all information, after wikipedia. yoikes.)

savory: 1. Appetizing to the taste or smell: a savory stew. 2. Piquant, pungent, or salty to the taste; not sweet. 3. Morally respectable; inoffensive: a past that was scarcely savory. i like the 3rd one. i clearly need to use this word more. anyways, i explained to the waiter that i wanted something savory, and he pointed me in the direction of the zamboni crepes, which are: Scrambled eggs, ham, and spinach folded into two sweet crepes and topped with hollandaise sauce. Served with red diced potatoes or fresh fruit and toast, pancakes, or english muffin. i was a little scared of the hollandaise and eggs but it was so good. sososo good. i kept thanking the waiter, it was was that good. superlame. i also carried the leftovers around millennium park like it was my baby and kissed it while posing at the bean, it was that good.

i think we had beer for lunch? cold hamburger? big ass ohio state football fan sized glasses full of beer.

day 4. sunday brunch at home with (her) friends: egg strata (is this a midwest term? bc i don't know it), fresh fruit, pumpkin bread, turkey bacon, sausage, blintzes, low fat blueberry muffins (that one didn't go over so well), bagels and bellinis. happy!

definitely had cold burgers and fruit for lunch, and i'm pretty sure it was chicago mix popcorn for dinner (cheddar mixed with caramel). i think i could eat that every day.

so you can see why my trip to chicago was awful. apparently i like to talk about food, because this has turned into a food diary.

a cupcake a day

cupcakes are what make the world go round, so why not have them available at all times? my latest goal has become to open an office with an attached bakery. wouldn't everyone rather go to the doctor's office and sit in a bakery waiting room? you go and check in with my secretary, who directs you the pastries, you sit, have a cappuccino and a muffin, she comes out and calls your name, and you come back to my office happy. you can't be grumpy after a delightful coconut cupcake, sprinkled with deliciousness, and that would make me happy. also there will be couches. at least 2 couches. possibly hammocks, because those are the best. not incredibly professional, but i think we can work them in somehow.